I try to purse my cracked lips open, sputtering through the mesh of teeth and wire. At first it’s just saliva, but then the colors begin to run red. Pressing against the back of my teeth with my tongue, I try to push the refuse through what gaps I can

I’m posting my profile to give you the option of making fun of me back. If this is the first time you’re hearing about Tinder, I promise it won’t be the last, especially if I have your phone number. About a month ago I accidentally pushed the wrong button and

So close, yet so far. I’ve been in Brooklyn for 5 days now, and I have yet to eat a normal meal. Unless you count pizza, and my very English mother would disown me if I did. It’s not just that I’m broke, or culinarily challenged. There’s also a rabbit

If this doesn’t convince you, then IDK. I’m fucking broke, man. I’m broke. And Groupon/Lifebooker/whatever discount website is trendy right now, is not REALLY an app or a website, it is an addiction. In the perpetual quest for Patrick Bateman-style physical perfection that is this Hollywood life, I find myself

Tinder entered my life one night through the magic of Google. I was sitting around with my friend Gabby and the question arose of whether there was a “Grindr for straight people.” Grindr allows “gay, bi and curious guys” to find one another using a real-time locator and then do

Yup, you read that headline correctly, there are hella single dudes on Swoon and I don’t mean that in a sausage fest kind of way. Let me explain.

I have a past of being continuously screwed over. I’m pretty sure my leech of an ex-boyfriend who still manages to interfere with my present-day life is why I have this pipe dream of being swept off my feet by a wealthy B-list celebrity or a rich finance dude. Until

 This is what I look like when I’m moving. Or, drunk. Or both. I haven’t written anything in a while because I have been moving. And maybe drunk? Perhaps a giggly combination of the two. But I’ve been happy, too, which always makes spilling my guts onto the internet a