Your friends’ Burning Man posts are already freaking relentless on Facebook, and you’re the sad sack who’s stuck at home. But don’t trip! There are plenty of Bay Area events if you’re not at Burning Man from August 25 – September 2, and it turns out San Francisco and Oakland

You only turn 16 once, and we plan to celebrate it in style, with all of our resident DJs coming together to spin the best mashups of the past 16 years, along with house band Smash-Up Derby, burlesque show Hubba Hubba Revue, and even a taste of drag with The Monster Show! The whole gang is here! 

Anyone who has had a drunk night on 11th Street knows all about Crepes A Go Go, the awesome little crepe cart wedged between two buildings and saving drunk peoples’ lives. Chances are you’ve probably eaten there, even if you don’t remember it. I’ve eaten there a gazillion times, a)

Start your summer off right in San Francisco with these art events, openings, and parties– there are sexy burlesque performances, exciting shows from LA-based artists, and tons of opportunities to support local creative spaces.  Here are some of the team at Broke-Ass Stuart’s best art recommendations for June: THE GREATEST

Update: The Examiner reports that the suspect in the hit and run, Allan Quiton, was drunk when he killed Modesto. Make sure to read to the bottom to find out about the memorial for Modesto There’s a good chance Modesto Figuerido was sleeping on the sidewalk in SoMa before you even

Death Guild began in 1993 at a venue called The Pit, currently AsiaSF (definitely not as spooky sounding). It is one of the longest running industrial/goth nights in the United States.

This is going to be fun, opening night with delicious beers, pizza, and a great film all going off in the Mission, SF

I’m pretty vanilla. I mean, not for the mainstream, but by San Francisco standards, I’m not very kinky. I don’t need you to dress up in an Inuit outfit and throw hot coffee on me while calling me “Gargamel.”