I was thinking today … what if your Valentines Day was a movie?
Perhaps you were asked to be the director of said movie. The producer wanted the movie to be a silent one, and all the scenes would be set to music. The location scout informed you that cameras would just follow the main character from the point they woke up … to the moment they went to bed…

I hate Valentine’s Day. Sure, I’m a hopeless romantic who usually spends every February 14th alone doing Jell-O shots in my chaise while eating bacon-fried bacon and masturbating to re-runs of Breaking Bad, but I retain the comfort of knowing Internet Girlfriend will never leave nor punch me in the face. The real reason

There’s nothing quite like a slew of glittery cardboard hearts, strategically plastered throughout the lifeless windows of New York City’s retail stores, prepping themselves for that one day in February. There isn’t another imitation holiday that can arrogantly compete, nothing else that simply screams out: commercialized holiday bastardizing the idea

If you’re anything like me, you feel a greater love for the city of San Francisco than any one person. A relationship with the city is an extremely fulfilling and content one at that. A close second love for me would be my admiration of food trucks. With the variety

They say that Valentine’s Day started to celebrate Saint Valentine of Rome, martyred in 269 AD, then became a sensation in 1797 when a British publisher issued romantic verses for young lovers…

People frequently mistake me for being gay. Certainly much more than they mistake me for being a comedian. But despite the fact that I studied theater in college while working at the Gap, living in the co-ops and sucking dick on the side for money, I am neither gay nor bisexual.

In the belly of a dark theater in Queens, an audience member shouts, “Fortune!” In response, seven grown men, ranging in age and style of dress, move together in synchronous motions. Gazing into crystal balls fluidly morphs into the movement of surgeons snapping on sterile gloves. Now they’re floating on

I’m not the first and certainly won’t be the last person to write about the importance of male penis size, but hey, dick talk be making it rain hella page views up in this server. Plus, in the wake of the recent size scandal at Subway, it seemed as good