Imagine this: you’re naked and floating face-up in a warm pool shaped like a heart. Surrounding you are 11 people, their 22 hands simultaneously holding you up and kneading your body as it relinquishes control. Your ears vacillate between being under and above water, and your eyes vacillate between being

Don’t tell my mom or sister about this piece — I don’t want them to know that a mere hour ago my body slid across Mission Street like a figure skater gliding across ice. My “skating” move today was completely horizontal in position, and the “ice” in question was grizzled

It’s a funny thing—the places in the world with the hottest weather are also the most intolerant of nudity. Try flashing a nipple in Latin America and look around for some nods (nods of “you’re about to die”). Show some cheek in the Arab world and see how many friends you

This story was originally published on Broke Ass Stuart’s Goddamn Website five years ago. Here, it’s been updated and also includes a Spotify link. Cue up the entire playlist with a single click: Eighteen Tunes to Screw To And stay tuned for a follow-up list the next week or two.

Seven words and three consecutive exclamation points: Get the fuck out of San Francisco!!! There. I said it. But wait — this has nothing to do with high rents. Nor does it have to do with tech busses, $7 coffee or anything else akin to getting ear-fucked by a sharp pencil soaked in