10 Worst Burritos In San Francisco
Yeah we went there, we tracked down the 10 worst places to get a burrito in San Francisco. Hours worth of data collection, dozens of interviews with food experts and drunks allowed us to compile the totally unbiased, indisputable, MASTER LIST of the absolute worst burritos in San Francisco CA city limits. Nate Silver, Anna Maria Barry-Jester, and Five Thirty Eight…eat your hearts out.
10. Taco Bell (Outer Sunset)
Beefy Cheesy Burrito
Foodie’s Statement: “Great customer service, but after eating four soft tacos and three burrito supremes (not all in one sitting, i’m not a pig), I couldn’t stop pooping the next day. Great customer service tho.”
9. Taco Bell (Marina)
Beefy 5 Layer Burrito
Critics Review: “I came here because I heard Taco Bell started serving alcohol late night, I figured I could crush a couple shots and find me some hot poontang at the T-bell bar before going back to my pad to smash. They didn’t have any f@*king Grey Goose man! What kind of a bar doesn’t have Grey Goose? No Stars Bro, NO STARS”
8. Taco Bell (Mission District)
Smothered burrito
Critic’s Statement: “It made my farts smell like formaldehyde and baby food”
7. Taco Bell (FiDi)
7 Layer Burrito
Foodie’s Review: “Tortillas are stale, rice is under cooked and the chicken is over cooked, hot sauce is too hot, mild sauce is too mild. Prices are 5 times more expensive than any other Taco Bell because it’s in the financial district…I eat here every Tuesday”
6. Carl’s Jr. Green Burrito (Civic Center)
Steak burrito
Review by professional Youtube critic: “The beans in the burritos are always dry and hard. It’s like eating baby teeth with salsa, which normally I like, but they wouldn’t let me use the bathroom here, so screw them”
5. Taco Bell/KFC (Bayview)
XXL Grilled Stuffed Burrito (Chicken)
Top Critics Review: “Made the mistake of coming here when I wasn’t high, I ran out screaming”
4. Taco Bell (Excelsior)
Bean and Cheese Burrito
Critic’s Review: “This place is disgusting. I usually check my table to see if there’s some kind of intelligent life evolving underneath. It’s really a one-star establishment.”
3. Taco Bell (SoMa)
Cantina Power Burrito
Foodie Review:“The Burrito tasted like the sidewalk turd I stepped over on the way to this location.”
2. Taco Bell (Western Addition)
Breakfast Burrito
Critic and Senior Citizen spokes person: “When Coffee is not doing the trick and I’m feeling flummoxed, I go for the breakfast burrito and soft taco, they are my laxatives in the morning! Thank YOU TACO BELL!”
1. Taco Bell (Tenderloin)
Beefy Cheesy Burrito
Food Expert: “The ‘beefy cheesy’ like substance tasted like the Taco Bell Chichuahua took a dump in my mouth while I was sleeping”
Disclaimer:
* All Photos were submitted by professional critics that I made up, we have nothing against Taco Bell in particular, we just thought this was hilarious
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30 Comments
OMFG HILARIOUS!! /s
Did you really think you were going to have a different experience from Taco Bell to Taco Bell?
This whole piece boils down to TL:DR, Taco Bell sucks. LOL!!!
yes, congratulations on getting it. /rolleyes
lolol
I used to go to the Green Burrito at Civic Center because it was close to where I worked. I only went there when I HAD to. It’s infested with vagrants who are always on their invisible bluetooths with blue teeth having loud conversations. Prostitutes, pimps, crackheads. It’s so filthy too. I’m even afraid to sit down when waiting for my food. I’ve seen a few cops busting people there. It’s fun and exciting atmosphere is too much for my appetite. I also think the burritos are just a sponges soaked in mushy meat and beans and served to you. You wonder where the People of Walmart go when their not at Walmart? #foundem
And, sadly, it is closed. The other Carl, Jr.’s does not have space to have made from scratch biscuits, which were worth putting up with what you found so upsetting.
Taco Bell burrito shouldn’t even be categorized as food, authentic Mexican, or a burrito. The fact it made the list makes sense but come on. We know they suck and giving an advert for them is kinda sad. Mention them once on the list, move on.
I think you’re missing the joke…if you think is an advert for T Bell
9 out of ten on a top ten list? That’s pretty heavily weighted. Why bother calling it a list and title it, “Why Taco Bell sucks, and where?”
Even bad press is,press.
Agreed, once on the list is fine, could be funny. If this was middle America, even funnier.
There’s hella burritos in SF that could have made this list and knowing who to avoid could have been really funny and helpful.
Going to Taco Bell for anything in CA is the wrong choice, every time.
the idea was good, but horribly executed, not even funny
La Taqueria in the mission should be on this list
what is this bullshit? Hating on taco bell?!. Hilarious. 4th meal beats any pretentious gentrified fusion bullshit you’d probably recommend.
should have put Pancho Villa as number 1. Now that would have been funny.
We have a Taco Bell in my hometown(Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada)finally, after God knows how many years… Gonna try their products and see what they’re like… Hopefully better than what these were like…
a beige person dissing taco bell is heart-warming(almost like one of them NOT liking mayo!!)…only in S.F., that… very cool, don’t lose your beige card over this!
It’s all Taco Bell as a joke. Of course he doesn’t want to include privately owned burrito places who’s business may be affected.
How the f–k is the hot sauce too hot. The pre-packaged hot sauce is the same at every branch.
And it is not really that hot anyway.
RIGHT!?! Err’body knows Fire and (added flavor Diablo) are the tongue scorchers!
Bro, what’s the point of bashing Taco Bell with one exception on the list. One entry for Taco Bell would have been sufficient to make the point. Great idea tho but lame execution
Have some F—ing guts man! This article is stupid. How easy to pick on the Bell. Why not be a real journalist and find some overrated Mission joints. Too afraid man?
No wonder the Big Guy hated the green burrito…it would have been mummified. The Carl’s at Civic Center has been closed for almost two years. But a close second, in terms of dining experiences would be the one up above the Powell Station. A real review of that one would sound just like the one here.
anyone who goes near a taco belly deserves what they get. Horrible false food
For all the humor impaired complaining, this is something known as “parody.” It is a form of satire. These are not serious reviews.
Too true! And Green Burrito, And the Carl’s, Jr. closed some time ago. I actually braved it on occasion because they did have the made from scratch biscuits that they got when they bought Hardee’s. As a native of the South, they were worth a visit. The other Carl’s, Jr. does not have the space for what was needed to make them.
There isnt a Taco Bell in the Marina!!
Yes, there is. Unless it has closed…
No it closed 2 or 3 years ago at Fillmore and Lombard so that explains the parody thing.
Well, it has been more than three years since I’ve been there. It was a relatively nice KFC/Taco Bell, and I went for the chicken. If I want a burrito, tacos, or other Mexican items there are much better options.
taco bell>gordos