San Francisco’s Skyrocketing Rents Are a Nightmare on Elm Street
San Francisco landlords are like the supervillains in horror movies from the 1980s that never seem to die. You think the pandemic was enough to slow them down, but like every good horror villain, they always come back in the sequel, resurrected by a new evil. And in San Francisco, that new evil is AI. It’s a technology whose presence will raise your rent while eliminating the jobs you could potentially get to pay for it. We’ve reached the snake eating its own tail part of the tech economy. Are you having tech boom flashbacks? Well, you should, but this time it’s worse.
It reminds me of the plot of Freddy Vs. Jason. Freddy was bad enough, but the kids slowly were able to beat Freddy as they forgot about him. Kind of how the “Doom Loop” made us forget about tech. But doom usually comes with a decline in the cost of living. Everyone thought Freddy was done for, just like we thought tech was done with San Francisco, but Freddy tricked Jason into coming back to life to start killing again. Just like politicians and corporate real estate investors tricked AI startup founders into believing that they needed to be in San Francisco to automate shit no one needs automated. When Jason started killing again, the killings reminded everyone of Freddy, and that made them fear Freddy again. Just like the presence of AI gives techies San Francisco FOMO.
Freddy’s power is based on fear, and fear in a sense is a lot like real estate market speculation and that fear allows him to kill you in your dreams. Just like your landlord needs you to believe that a studio apartment is worth $3500. Jason killed you while you were awake. There’s no escape from Jason. Just like there’s no escape from AI.
You could stay awake to fight off Freddy, as well as take pills to make it to where you don’t dream. Freddy is the old tech boom. Yes, it raised the rent, but it also brought jobs. So, while it was bad, if you were inclined to do so, you could potentially find a way to make the rent. But Jason, he’s fucking AI. Jason doesn’t give a fuck if you’re awake or asleep. He’ll fucking kill you. Just like AI will economically kill you. Before the Bay Area was just fighting Freddy, now we’re fighting Freddy and Jason. But unlike the movie, they’re not trying to kill each other, they’re working together to kill you.
Why did I make that incredibly BRILLIANT, but longwinded metaphor? Because San Francisco rents have spiked to nearly pre-pandemic levels thanks to Freddy Krueger taking advantage of Jason Vorhees… I mean your landlord taking advantage of the Artificial intelligence boom. Some neighborhoods, such as the Mission and Potrero Hill, due to their close proximity to Downtown and the smaller AI startup scene in Mission Bay and Dogpatch, have seen median rents spike nearly 20% in the last year. But the increases are city wide and it’s not uncommon to see bidding wars drag the rent on the final signed lease above the asking price.
We’ve done it. Silicon Valley’s artificial intelligence has collided with San Francisco’s organically stupid housing policy to create an affordability nightmare so terrifying that even Freddy Krueger will complain about gentrification after getting evicted from his spot on Elm Street.
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Howdy! My name is Katy Atchison and I'm an Associate Editor for Broke-Ass Stuart.
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